"damn b-t-h what happen to your thighs" "your gonna be fat just like your aunt" "She needs to lose weights, does she think he likes that" "...uuummmm don't you have a gym membership?"
All of these things were said directly to me, or I have over heard someone say these things about me.
So where do I begin.....dealing with my "new" body has been a challenge. I guess I should start with how I gained the weight. After i had my son, I probably weighted about 150. My body started to bounce back into shape fairly quick. I didn't have to work out. The hustle and bustle of being a "single" working parent did a body good. I also cooked dinner every night and took a lunch to work everyday. I was back to a size 5 in no time.
Now fast forward to the "change" No more long distance relationship. I had a partner to enjoy the the city with. I enjoyed every little morsel of food this place had to offer. They say when your in love you gain weight, well I didn't just gain weight i gained a love for food. I wanted to taste, sample, and devour every piece of culture i could get my fingers on. My second down fall...working downtown(The food Mecca). I stopped taking my lunch to work and started sampling every pastry shop. I indulged myself in everything I wanted. I mean who orders a bagel with two cream cheese.
So that brings us to the present day. I am the heaviest I have ever been. It seems like my family has more of a problem with it than I do. I don't hate my body. I do see things that I would love to change(IE:my belly and chin). My family has made dealing with my body very unpleasant to say the least. My mom hates my choice in clothing( See blog post "Hold my hand while you cut me down" she is one of the people i am talking about.)
It would be a lie if I said the things they say don't sting a little. Sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt...such a lie. A person doesn't need to hear that they are "fat" every time you see them. I mean shit I see myself naked everyday. I know what am working with.
I guess what I am trying to say is.....I LOVE ME. Do I have my ideal body? NO!!, but I feel guuuuaaaadd in my skin. When I am home I feel sexy and loved.. when I am ready to workout I will. It will come on my own time. So in the words of Tyra Banks."Y'all can kiss my FAT ASS!!!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Confessions of a border line "Big Gurl"
Posted by Raising NIC at 5:18 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
AMEN to that!!
I think you summed it up pretty damn good when you said "when I am ready to workout, I will". I went through the exact same scenario. Was long distance for over a year in my relationship, but as soon as I relocated we began to enjoy our new life and the unlimited offerings of food available. It started with me noticing the "little" things...my belly...thighs...and slowly the sizes inching upward. Because I was never a large size it "looked good on me" AT FIRST. After a while, like you, I began to become uncomfortable and I believe it's only when YOU begin to feel that way that you'll start to do something about it. Unfortunately people tend to think that just because they notice a different you, or feel as if you could lose a few, that you should do it on their time. Well ...tough titty! They'll get over it. At the end of the day, your husband still loves and adores you. Just take care of yourself. I trust that you have a sensor that allows you to differentiate between simply gaining weight vs. becoming gravely unhealthy;-) ...Lots of love chica-Nic
Thank you Katie and Nicole!! I appreciate your feed back. Nicole I feel you. I hope that I do have something in me that "clicks" before it gets out of control.
Well of course I can't totally relate to you because you are just a "border line big gurl". I have crossed that line and left it about 3 highways ago, LOL
But I can relate to the whole family just being insensitive as hell thing. Girl especially those old women in my family. You come over for Christmas dinner and they don't say "Hey how are you, we missed you." The first thing those heffas got to say is "Damn you gone get any fatter?"
You know you gotta respect the old folks though so I just smile and keep it moving. But I mean DAMN...
Anyway the most important thing to remember is that its not about how your body looks all the time but are you healthy? I had to get to the point that I couldn't breathe and almost felt like i was dying. Just don't let yourself get to that point. Nurture and love your body just as you do your child.
ok luvmenaturally...1st i fixed the title. LOL!!! Old women are the worst!!!!!! sad part is that its my "closest" cousins and mom. I could go there with them but i choose not to. Keep posting updates on ur journey......you gots this gurlll!!!
Love is food and food is love. I know exactly where you stand. When I go home to Malaysia everyone asks me why I am fat? WTH! Why do you have a big mouth? Is what I want to say. We have to be ready to make a change within ourselves because it's not just the outside that changes but it is emotional as well.
Thanks Elle Dash:) its great that am not alone with this..sometimes we think we are being to sensitive, but that's not the case at all. People should watch what they say!!! Hope all is well in "Chanel" land!
Awesome post. People who feel like it's ok to say stuff like that get under my skin. Not just about weight or beauty, but negative and insensitive people in general. The fact that it's so often family who do it first drives me crazy.
I love my family, but they're also some of the most judgmental people I know. I don't get it. If you love me, it's cool, tell me that. I get it, you're worried about my health. But what can make me healthier than love can? Nothing I can think of.
Take care! Keep up the blogging! You rock.
Well, I've always struggled with my weight, but really haven't had to endure the criticism you have from family and friends. I was smaller for a long time (through college) and then like you said, got married and just packed it on! I love me too! My husband loves me and that's all I really care about. I'm happy that you love who you are and you are right - IF YOU are ready to make a change, the you will! No one else should make it for you!
I think you are beautiful and have a beautiful family!
Thank you Hokie Girl!! Today was a day i needed to hear this!!!
Post a Comment