Raising Nic: March 2010

"damn b-t-h what happen to your thighs" "your gonna be fat just like your aunt" "She needs to lose weights, does she think he likes that" "...uuummmm don't you have a gym membership?"

All of these things were said directly to me, or I have over heard someone say these things about me.
So where do I begin.....dealing with my "new" body has been a challenge. I guess I should start with how I gained the weight. After i had my son, I probably weighted about 150. My body started to bounce back into shape fairly quick. I didn't have to work out. The hustle and bustle of being a "single" working parent did a body good. I also cooked dinner every night and took a lunch to work everyday. I was back to a size 5 in no time.

Now fast forward to the "change" No more long distance relationship. I had a partner to enjoy the the city with. I enjoyed every little morsel of food this place had to offer. They say when your in love you gain weight, well I didn't just gain weight i gained a love for food. I wanted to taste, sample, and devour every piece of culture i could get my fingers on. My second down fall...working downtown(The food Mecca). I stopped taking my lunch to work and started sampling every pastry shop. I indulged myself in everything I wanted. I mean who orders a bagel with two cream cheese.

So that brings us to the present day. I am the heaviest I have ever been. It seems like my family has more of a problem with it than I do. I don't hate my body. I do see things that I would love to change(IE:my belly and chin). My family has made dealing with my body very unpleasant to say the least. My mom hates my choice in clothing( See blog post "Hold my hand while you cut me down" she is one of the people i am talking about.)

It would be a lie if I said the things they say don't sting a little. Sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt...such a lie. A person doesn't need to hear that they are "fat" every time you see them. I mean shit I see myself naked everyday. I know what am working with.

I guess what I am trying to say is.....I LOVE ME. Do I have my ideal body? NO!!, but I feel guuuuaaaadd in my skin. When I am home I feel sexy and loved.. when I am ready to workout I will. It will come on my own time. So in the words of Tyra Banks."Y'all can kiss my FAT ASS!!!